23 hours ago, I woke up...

What god did I curse to get a cough that won't go away no matter *freakin* what?! Nothing seems to alleviate it and what does is only temporary and the cough resumes. I thought my recent diarrhea problem is my body disposing what couldn't be coughed out (Which's all of it), but there's either loads of it or it's totally unrelated. 

I need a cough supressent pronto!