Guilt, Studies, and Capitalism

[davetheanalyzer]

A week or so back, I experienced some guilt and anxiety for a few days and on and off since to a lesser extent for the mistakes I made. I put my foot in my mouth more than once six-seven years ago in my livejournal/dreamwidth activities and said and did some things that were rude and even prejudiced. I even went back to look at one such post and my stomach remained clenched for a day or two. I had to remind myself that I have apologized for some of those actions…though not for others. For anyone who encountered me on ONTD_Feminism, especially that insensitive and tactless post where I vaunted a knights story with some characters only identified by their race and other marginalized groups, I apologize. I wanted to show off my stories and how diverse they were, even though the development was incomplete and I didn’t understand the identities for characters I was describing, nor the implications of only giving more character description to one or two from more privileged groups. I won't do that again. I know a bit more now but I still have a long ways to go. For ONTD_Political, for the posts involving Melissa Harris-Perry and Alice Walker from the Black Agenda Report, I’m sorry. I still have qualms with some of Harris-Perry’s statements and work but that article was poorly written and hateful, especially since Walker did some of the things BAR was condemning Harris-Perry for. I shouldn't have posted it and, though I don’t remember everything about my mindset then, I wouldn't be surprised racism played a part with me aggressively posting articles critical of her for not being a perfect leftist in response to the community's push back. I'll think more carefully about why and when to be critical of public figures of color and I won't engage in aggressive posting again. Anyone who looked at my journal around that time might have seen me railing against the community, to sometimes caustic extent. For those few that did read them (I get so few comments, I’m never sure how many read this journal), I’m sorry. That was spiteful and immature, and that went too far. Some lack of social tact played a part in these and definitely in my actions in Dear_Mun. I played my own OC called “deletion_comp” there, and I was the one who metagammed/infomodded (i.e. assume knowledge of characters' personality and/or universe) with roleplayed characters and asked creepy, sexual questions without the other muns’ consent. For that, I apologize. I was oblivious to the social norms I was violating and thought I was having silly fun, not aware I was annoying or discomforting others. I no longer do roleplay and I'll be more tactful in other situations. I understand if some people I interacted with in these three communities aren’t forgiving or want to interact with me again, but I thought now I should be honest about my mistakes and try to do better on all these fronts.

In other news, I did another Yale study. I heard Mom talk about it with my older brother and decided to participate. Really, I don’t know my job and income prospects as a disabled person, so I need all the money I can get. I won’t go into too much detail in the unlikely case this gets me in trouble but suffice to say it was about tracking eye movements. I don’t remember the exact explanation but it’s about understanding autism better and thus knowing how to accommodate us better. I’m not much interested in finding out the results, but it is nice I’m contributing to something good.

In the meantime, I saw Sorry To Bother You. I don’t know how I came across the film but decided to see it to support the more indie films. There was a segment on a news program I watch about it but fortunately, there were no spoilers. It was interesting and entertaining. It certainly fit the label as a dystopian comedy. There is drama but everything is slightly heightened, so that for instance some dramatic actions like protestors being punched aside and politicians supporting corrupt business practices become ridiculous and comical. This is even seen in the main character’s name Cassius Green, the given name being pronounced “Cashius” and his nickname being “Cash”. The whole film critiques capitalism. The director Boots Riley pretty much says it, from the cheap wages to WorryFree’s “worker innovations” like the live-in business model the director feared might one day become reality (In the west, at least. I think it’s a reality in some Asian countries).

As for the characters, Cassius is where the whole story revolves around. His wonders about wanting to make an impact on the world gels well with his need to find a well-paying job, and one could see how the former might have influenced the latter. He’s the average person who isn’t a radical: he’s disturbed by the low wages and bad treatment but doesn’t want to throw away a well-paying job where he gets to be good at something. His girlfriend Detroit whose art is tied to her activism is also interesting. I can’t remember if it was mentioned where she got her activism streak from but from what she mentioned on how she was named, it hints she and her parents were first generation immigrants and that might have been a influence on her activism. She seemed to be attracted to Cassius for his normalcy and at times grim view on life. She gave him some leeway but it’s only understandable that she would walk out on him for not taking a stand.

Squeeze was interesting, as an activist who moved from one workspace to another to unionize workers. He did work hard and seem to care about those he meets. Being in that activist world so much, it doesn’t seem to be a surprise he would be attracted to the passionate Detroit. Even with Cassius around, he can’t seem to resist trying to flirt with her and is disappointed when Cassius and Detroit get back together. I do wonder if his life means he finds it harder to find love with people who aren’t already in the activism circle. But I think Squeeze doesn’t harbor much ill will to Cassius that isn’t related to the genuine issue of the latter not joining the protests. Before and after, they otherwise seem to get along just fine. Unfortunately, I couldn’t figure out much of Salvador’s character, though his aggressive compliment-off with Cassius was amusing and it was sweet Cassius gave him his old car.

I kept myself from getting spoiled, so the twist involving WorryFree turning humans into horse-people, or "equisapiens," was a surprise. A company deciding that spending money on transforming humans into a stronger, more obedient workforce instead of paying and treating them better is more profitable sounds like a sadly natural cruel capitalist logic. They would rather have an abuse-able work force they don’t have to negotiate with. Cassius has a realistic freak-out to confronting that and it’s good that it compels him to do the right thing. Politicians and other companies immediately loving this is part of the movie’s comedic theme. I think many real life politicians would be horrified but there would be some who try to tamp down the horror and say it’s okay, and gradually move the conversation to the right.

The protest for better wages ironically gets saved by the equisapiens. It could be seen as a Horse ex Machina but it would be weird to set up their existence without any sort of payoff. The end had Cassius move back in with his uncle but be able to make his and Detroit’s section of the house nicer. It is a nice theme that happy ever after doesn’t need to have a super swanky house/apartment. They also paid off the apparent coke Cassius snorted, which turned out to transform him into an equisapien after all. But Lift gets his just desserts in the end when Cassius leads the destructive raid on his mansion. Hopefully, they could bully him into giving an antidote. That is what the single ao3 fic I skimmed did and that seemed very in-line with the film’s tone. All-in-all, not exactly to my taste but it was interesting, well made, and had some important messages about today’s society.

That’s all for now. I hope by the end of next month, I can get a handle with my cough and not need to rely on Nightquil to get a full rest. I’ve heard that keeping your eyes from screens a half hour before bed can help you sleep better, so I’m trying that but the jury’s out on its effectiveness so far. Well, until the end of August, see you!